Weight Report and Some thoughts on Depression

IMG_20150913_070233When I returned to my program, on September 6, 2015, my weight had gone back up to about 278 lbs. (about a 23 lb. increase, with most of it after rotator cuff surgery). I remember it being within a pound or so of that, but didn’t take a photo. Part of the reason for not taking a picture is that I wanted to get back into fat burn and properly hydrated before reporting my weight. The reason for waiting until properly hydrated over several days is because (as I reported in the past) my weight will differ by as much as 5-7 lbs. Inflammation, as joints and organs hold water to maintain proper function adds weight. There is also the additional weight of a full bowel—sorry to share that.

This past Sunday (September 13) I weighed in at 266.8 lbs. This might seem like a large drop for just one week—which it is—except that it likely includes additional loss for the above reasons. However, I usually lose very fast on this program, at least for the first few months. After several months my metabolism will slow down to compensate for the long term calorie count. But in the first few months my body happily burns major fat.

A couple days in, I stopped feeling any hunger pains. There was the occasional grumbling tummy, but that will come and go any time. After three days, I was in fat burn and my energy levels were back up. My motivation is high and I am very pleased with the program. This actually brought up some thoughts about another time I tried to go back on program.

Last spring, for various reasons I decided to go back on program and, a week or so in, I became terribly depressed. It really came on suddenly. It was also quite extreme. That is one of the reasons I dropped off the radar blog-wise. It got bad enough, that I thought I might need to seek help. I’ve used traditional and over the counter methods for years to counteract depression, and they usually work very well (I’ll share some later). This past spring nothing seemed to work, except for dropping off of program. Even that only brought me out of “the deep dark”, into the “not as deep and dark.” I was still fairly depressed. There was an element of it that continued until recently. This helped me to figure out what happened.

Low Carb diets can affect our serotonin levels and cause lowered moods—and for some even a depressive mood.  I don’t want to say it can cause depression, because depression is something medical. If you suspect depression, see the doctor. I can talk about moods and recommend ways to improve those, but really am not offering advice on depression. I am only offering what I have learned about myself. Please take it in that spirit.

I went back on program right about the same time that there were some new stresses in my professional and personal life. Those stresses and the program joined up with it being the time my doctor lowered my testosterone dose by a third to see if my body would make up for it. It didn’t. Instead I got very low on T-level, and only recently found that out by my latest blood tests (I’ll share some of what I’ve learned about testosterone later). The doctor recently raised my dose back up and confirmed this as the cause of my symptoms.

One problem with health, and trying to return from an unhealthy state, is that there are so many different factors. One thing good for you can actually compound with something else. These together can have an undesirable effect. Throw in three or four changes together and your world can seem to come apart. Take things slow. Don’t try to improve everything at once. We want everything to be undone immediately and to return right away to that healthy young man or woman we once were. The thing is, I didn’t get to be over 400 lbs. with all the health issues I had overnight. It took decades to get there. I hope it doesn’t take decades to fix it—especially since I am not so sure how many decades I have left. The thing to remember is that my goal may be total health. But that is long term goal over the distant horizon. My goal today is to be healthier than I was yesterday; healthier than I was last week; healthier than I was last month; healthier than I was last year…

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Renewed Determination

The five months since my last post have been full, interesting and educational—and some of it depressing. You may have noticed that I dropped off the radar, blog wise. Actually, I’ve had many things going on and several reasons for not posting on this site. Well, I’m back. I have a specific reason for coming back. One thing important is that I’ve learned much about maintaining weight and the difficulties of going from unhealthy to healthy.

In April, I dropped off of program. It wasn’t intentional. My first plan was to lose the weight, which I did pretty well through Medifast. I lost the weight quickly and learned a great deal about myself. Then I switched, in the fall, to lifting weights to build muscle mass—to continue the weight loss from the other direction, gaining muscle to increase fitness and metabolism.

My job changed in ways that made it difficult to get to the gym regularly. This was more of an excuse. Had I truly wanted to make it, I could have. Of course, there were two reasons for not wanting to make it to the gym. One was an issue with my testosterone level (which I’ll address further down page) and the other was arm pain—not only when lifting, but constantly. Having spent several years in the military, my instinct was to just work through it. This had worked in many other situations. But, no matter what I did the arm only deteriorated.

So, I thought if I laid off a few weeks my arm would get better and I could just go back to it. Instead, I discovered that it didn’t get any better—it continued to get worse. During this time I lost the habit of going to the gym. A good habit must be reinforced just as strongly as a bad habit must be resisted. If you don’t go, you develop the habit of not going.

In June, I received confirmation of what I suspected. I had a torn rotator cuff. I had learned a lesson too late. That lesson was to always always always (perhaps I should say ‘always’ a few more times) lift with proper form. If you’re not going to take the time to learn and use proper form, then don’t lift! On June 23rd, I had corrective surgery to fix the rotator cuff and remove a bone spur from my shoulder. I have been in recovery since hen—I suppose physical therapy is a form of gym, right? It really stinks going from lifting weights in the quest to build muscle to working with pulleys and bands trying to regain the ability to raise my arm above my waist. If you haven’t had rotator cuff surgery, please take it off your bucket list. I assure you it isn’t fun.

During the first few months, even without the gym, I maintained my weight with little effort. Some habits were easy. I still avoid most sugars. I try to limit carbs on most days, but allow myself splurge days. I also avoided those foods which are simply not good for maintaining health (notice the past tense in that sentence). This will bring up another lesson learned, later.

I kept telling myself I was going to go back on program later and I’d go back to the gym as soon as my arm was good enough. This morning (Sunday, Sept 6, 2015), because of how my shirt no longer fit, I said to my wife, “That’s it! I’m back on program right this minute!” I went in and ordered more supplies and notified my coach. Fortunately, I have enough Medifast supplies stored to tide me over until the new shipment comes.

The issue of my testosterone was less of a lesson and more of a discovery. Early in the year my endocrinologist tried lowering my testosterone lower than ever. I was doing well, with lots of energy and motivation. This all changed with the new dosage. It took me several weeks to put the lower dose and my newly acquired lack of energy and motivation together. Then it was a couple months until my next round of tests. A couple weeks ago my doctor found that my low levels matched my symptoms and raised my dosage back up to the higher level. We did an MRI to see if there was a pituitary tumor causing problems. This showed my pituitary gland is fine. The doctor and I agree that the problem is that I still have too much body fat (more on this and testosterone in a later post). I should have continued with the Medifast to continue reducing fat and waited to start weight training. Lessoned learned.

Now with my T levels adjusted and my renewed intent, it’s time to get going back on the path of healthy choices. An important part of this will be this blog. The blog gave me accountability. When facing decisions, it helps to consider what I’ll report in this blog—good news, bad news, success or failure.

If you have dropped off your program of health, get back on program. Don’t let anything keep you from it. “When it comes to health, tomorrow never comes and later is a lie.”

Actions work where Magic fails

magic-hatThis recent New Year’s Day I found myself thinking about the mindset behind the celebrations. Why do people expend so much energy and emotion celebrating the changing of the page on a calendar? We get so worked up and excited because the imaginary numbers with which we mark the earth’s solar circuit has a new final digit.

The usual inspiration for the celebrations is two part: (1) relief that we made it through another year, and (2) anticipation that we will do more in the next year than just make it through. “We survived this year, hoorah!” “We’ll do more in the next year than in this, hoorah!”

But will this be anything more than an empty celebration? Anything more than an exercise in silliness and futility? The only reason to bother celebrating the changing of the year is to actually make January 1st and beyond differ from December 31st and before. This only happens if you make it happen.

Many people make New Year’s resolutions. These resolutions are so commonly made and commonly broken that it is a running cultural joke. People may resolve to be a better person, a better parent, a better (fill in the blank). These can be defined in various ways. Some may see being a better person as being a lighter one who has lost weight. Some may define it as being someone who does not have a certain bad habit, like smoking or drinking. After a few days, they lose their resolve and go back to being what they always were. The problem is not the definitions. The problem is that we forget the importance and power of the word “be.”

This “be” is a form of the phrase “am/are/is.” When I tell you “I am so-and-so” it means the qualities that define the ‘so-and-so’ define me. They define me in the same way and to the same extent that they define the ‘so-and-so.’ When we say I will be something, it means the characteristics that describe the something will equally, and in the same way describe me. The “I will” makes it future tense—something that is going to happen. It is a way of saying, those characteristics will define me someday, though they may not define me at present. But this statement can be either wishful thinking or a statement of intent. If it is wishful—they will hopefully define me someday—then it is not going to happen, unless you believe you will be transformed magically into a better, skinnier, wealthier, happier you.

To actually change, the “will be” has to become the “am.” I have to take the future tense and move it to the present. This only happens if you take intentional action to make it happen. You have to change the qualities that define you. To do this you have to know those qualities, what they look like, and how they compare to your current qualities. If you want to be skinnier, then you have to know what a skinny person does (how they eat, how they exercise, etc.) then do those things. If you want to be financially secure you have to know what financially secure people do (what they spend their money on, how they make a living, etc.). If you want to be a better parent, then you have to know what good parents do.

Once you know the target qualities, you have to take an honest inventory of your own qualities and see where you fall short. If a skinny person eats lower carb, lower fat and lower calories each day than you do, then you have to change the way you eat. If a skinny person works out more than you do, then you will have to get off the couch. If a financially secure person spends less than they make, but you spend more than you make, then you have to change either your income or your spending habits. The same is true of any change you want to make.

This is why resolutions fail. They are too often grounded in magical thinking—“Saying I am going to be (fill in the blank) transforms me into that.” No, it doesn’t! If you want to actually change in the New Year, the first thing to change is the reliance on magical thinking. Understand that positive changes only follow intentional positive actions. Yes, those actions begin as positive thinking, but the thinking must inspire action. Until the action happens, no change is possible—neither will it ever be possible until you take action.

If you made a resolution take out a sheet of paper and write it down. Think about the goal (happier, skinnier, nicer, wealthier you). On one side of the page write down qualities that define that goal and on the other side write down your qualities that do not match up. For example if you want to be thinner, perhaps on one side you write, “A thinner person exercises regularly.” Across from this you may write, “I don’t exercise regularly.” Now you have a list of change you must make to transform yourself.

Once you have the list of necessary changes, it’s time to decide how to make those changes. For example, a financially secure person spends less than they make. If you spend more than you make, but your goal is to be more financially secure, then you have to change this. You have to look at your own life, understand the only options are spend less or make more. You have to decide which is possible for you. It’s the same with losing weight. If I want to lose weight, I either have to burn more calories and carbs through activity or reduce the amount that go into my body. There are no magical options!

You can either waste time making meaningless resolutions, or you can act upon them and make real changes to your life. The choice is yours.

Weird Changes, and New Challenges

It’s interesting that after so many years of eating too much, and of eating all the wrong things, I find I have a new problem. Like I shared before, I have started lifting to increase muscle mass. While my weight has stayed almost identical since the change over, I am slimming and firming. My waist has gone down from 40 to 38, and now those pants are starting to feel loose. My muscles are more defined, and my stamina has greatly improved. The problem that I mentioned is a very new one for me. I find that I am not eating enough. I need to raise my caloric intake—while maintaining a nutritious blend. My metabolism has gone up enough that I just burn everything off. I have had to increase the frequency of my meals from every 3 to 4 hours to one every 2 to 3 hours.

Fortunately, I now find that I like the things that were once hated. I love healthier foods and find them quite tasty. Part of this is likely from my getting off of sugar. I was so used to processed sugars impacting all my foods that I couldn’t stand fruit because the sweet just didn’t “taste quite right.” I’ve grown to love sweet potatoes and various fruits. My wife recently bought a small container of snack sized little tomatoes. A few months ago, if you had told me I would enjoy eating them straight as a snack, I would have said you were dreaming.

Something like this happened years ago when I quit smoking. I noticed that after a while, after all the tar had been cleansed from my taste buds that everything tasted differently—flavors were more intense. It is amazing to think of all the simple pleasures we are robbing ourselves of simply because of unhealthy choices. We are used to considering the impact on length of life (due to early death) and quality of life (due to health problems). However, we seldom consider how many of the simple things we lose because of unhealthy choices.

Health Horror on the Holidays!

The holidays are a major cause of diet failure. Various studies confirm that people tend to gain weight over the holidays. One study I found cited an average of 1 lb. for the season, and one study went as high as 5 lbs. on average. I’ve experienced it myself in the past. Ten years ago I lost a lot of weight on a low-carb program. When the holidays came around I figured “The program has been so easy and I don’t want to try to stay low-carb over the holidays.” I decided to drop off program for the holidays and start again for the New Year. Unfortunately, I went into carb craving since I didn’t transition off and quickly gained the weight I’d lost along with a lot extra. I craved carbs so bad that I could not get myself back onto program.

Built into this is an argument I want to dissect. I will present it here as:

Healthy eating requires deprivation.

Celebrating the holidays requires over-indulging.

Over-indulging causes one to gain weight.

Therefore, holiday celebrants inevitably gain weight.

We have three premises and a conclusion. The form of the argument given is such that if the premises are true, then the conclusion must be true. So our only choice would appear to be skimp on the holidays or gain weight. But is this our only choice? Is the argument above true? It can only be false if one or more of the premises are false, and I believe one could argue that all of them are false.

Healthy eating is not deprived eating

To eat healthy is not to deprivation, but appropriate eating. One who wants to eat healthy takes various things into account: food available, preferences, nutritional need, etc. One eats what the body needs and then stops when the body is provided for. Actually, it is deprivation that is unhealthy. To be deprived nutritionally does harm to the body. Yes, healthy eating can feel like deprivation to one who has spent years eating unhealthy. However, this is actually a symptom of prior bad choices. I want comfort food that is fatty and sugary, not because my body needs it. Our systems are adapted to prefer easy high energy sources. Tie this adaptation for survival to a psychological makeup that ties these foods to some pleasurable memory or makes them into a medicine to cover some bad memory and we have a double whammy telling us to eat what is bad for us, and to do it in copious quantities. It is this that makes such eating unhealthy. It is also this psychological component that makes healthy eating seem like deprivation.

Celebrating the holidays does not require over indulging

When we celebrate the holidays, we are spending time with our friends and loved-ones (and, often, some not-so-loved-ones).  The food is actually there to encourage closeness. The history of feasting and shared meals is one of relationship building. In ancient times, when people shared a meal they established a covenant relationship. To share someone’s food and then turn on them was considered an exceptional level of evil. This was all part of ancient hospitality—“We have shared food and now we are bound to one another.” It is this that was behind the ancient feasts in the Old Testament and is also the root of the New Testament Lord’s Supper. This was, originally, a full meal shared by the congregation. Sharing food brings people together. When there is food between us, we relax. This is a primary reason for the food. There is nothing requiring you to actually consume a certain amount of food—at least not in our culture. Of course, there are some cultures where you must eat a certain amount or you will offend the host. At times it may even be necessary for you to have a bit of everything—even those things you shouldn’t have—in order to spare someone’s feelings. While that person should care more about your health than their contribution to the meal, this is not always the case.

Shared meals are actually common in church, and as a pastor I have attended more than most. We even use the word ‘fellowship’ in church to mean a potluck meal. I’ve been in churches where the ladies would bring their favorite dishes to the church potluck and if I didn’t try every dish someone would get their feelings hurt. I had to develop a tactic to help me with this. I’ll even share it with you and you can use it at church or at your Aunt Gertrude’s house over the holidays. No one actually kept a record of what I or anyone else actually did eat, so when someone brought something that either I shouldn’t eat, or that I even didn’t want to eat, and they would ask me, “Pastor, did you have some of my (fill in the blank)?” I l would look them right in the eye and say, “Why yes! I did and it was great!” That’s right. I lied! Do I feel shame over it? Absolutely not! Was it the right thing to do? Absolutely! By the way, if you think that a person should never under any circumstances tell anything untrue then you are either naïve or uninformed about the realities of life—you are at the least not married.

Over-indulging does not have to cause one to gain weight

Now I understand that what I just said may seem heresy to the dieting crowd. However, please let me explain. Let’s say I am on a strict diet that I follow religiously. I lose weight steadily. One day I decide to allow myself to have more than I should—I over-indulge. Will I gain weight? Probably not! Understand that it takes around 3500 calories to add a pound of fat. This means that in order to gain any appreciable weight I have to consume a very large amount. Recently, an article ran about a man said to have gained the most weight in a single Thanksgiving meal. Everyone at their dinner weighed themselves before eating and again after eating. The article went on to say that he had “gained” 7.5 lbs. in that one meal. Well, this is just patently false. Much of the food he is actually water and will pass; much of it was fiber that will not digest but will pass. That is not weight gain. That is just bulk gain. Much of it will pass out within a day and, he will gain some weight, but not the full amount.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying over-indulging is a healthy choice—especially for someone trying to lose weight. If you are on a diet, then over-indulging should be avoided. However, if something causes you (like your own choices, lack of will-power or that nice little aunt who insists you have just one more piece of her cheesecake) it’s not the end of the world. You may not even register any weight.

You see, the problem is not having too much at one meal. The problem comes when we use the holidays as an excuse to permit ourselves a season of bad eating. From Halloween through New Year most homes are full of bad eating opportunities. We are constantly exposed to the less healthy foods in copious amounts. We show up to work and in the spirit of the holidays a salesman has brought a whole tin of cookies. Everyone is given the giant drums of caramel coated popcorn. Unhealthy beverages are readily available in giant helping. And when facing such temptation the tendency is to say, “Well it is (Christmas/Hanukah/Thanksgiving/etc.).” Most often this is a lie. Thanksgiving is one Thursday in November. Halloween is one day in October. Christmas is two days in December (if you count Christmas day and Christmas Eve). New Years is one night of revelry. Let’s assume first of all that culture dictates that you over-indulge on all of these days. That still means you are having more than you should on five days out of ninety. You see, the problem is not what we eat on these special holidays. The problem is what we eat in between that we blame on these holidays. Halloween through New Year has become a season of excuses to binge eat. This is the problem.

Let’s look at some numbers for a moment. It takes about 3500 calories in excess to gain one pound. In the average Turkey Breast, four ounces has about 126 calories. This means you would need eat over six pounds of Turkey to gain a single pound. Don’t get me wrong. I understand there are other factors: carbs, potatoes, sweets and fats all being consumed. But my hope is that you will at least realize if you gain weight over the holidays it is not because of the actual holiday. It is because of what you use the holiday to excuse.

I have, for several months, being in a carb cycling rotation with an attempt to increase muscle mass. We had our Thanksgiving dinner on Wednesday because of other family responsibilities—my wife and daughter both work healthcare. In our house, I do most of the Thanksgiving cooking and wanted to make all the things I traditionally have. I also wanted to experiment with imbibing in all of it, with the goal of gaining no weight. Here was the menu:

14 lbs. Turkey, smoked

10 lbs. Goose, smoked

Sweet potatoes, with lots of brown sugar and marshmallows

Green Bean Casserole

Dressing

Mashed Potatoes with Giblet Gravy

A giant loaf of homemade Swedish Almond Bread

Bourbon Pecan Pie

Sweet Potato Pie

Pumpkin Pie

Sangria

Wine, Syrah

Now, you may think looking at this that we had a huge family gathering of dozens of people. We could have fed them, but instead we only had eight people. Everyone ate their fill. I denied myself nothing—which includes three pieces of pie (two with the meal, and a third later).

The day before this, I spent about an hour in the gym working out and did the same the day after. We handled leftovers in a special way as well. We kept a small amount of turkey for sandwiches, and froze a small amount of goose to use for something later. Every last bit of the rest was given away. We kept none in the house (except for a small plate my wife had made for her lunch the next day). The day before the meal I was on a low carb, low calorie day. The day following I went very low carb—almost none the whole day. Prior to this and after, I went back to my program religiously. We are now one week later and I have lost five pounds.

One of the purposes of my blog and the title is because I believe that if one makes a lifestyle of healthy choices, then one is free on occasion to make a choice to eat in an unhealthy way, for whatever reason. Health does not have to be drudgery. Health does not mean denying myself everything good. However, it means taking control of your choices and using them to your benefit.

I want to add a warning to those reading this. You have to understand that what I did fit with my current program. Carb Cycling actually recommends an occasional undisciplined day because hormone changes can occur with long term low carb and low calorie consumption—I don’t need my T level dropping. However, if I were still in my prior program which is ketogenic, I wouldn’t have dared do this. In such a program one must stay long term in fat burn and getting back into fat burn can take days in the early stages of these programs. That one meal would have led to days of misery trying to get back into fat burn. However, after months of being carefully on program and making healthy choices, my body goes in and out of fat burn rather quickly. For example, the day before yesterday I was in a high carb cycle on a weight day. Because of a celebration, I actually allowed myself to have far more carbs than I intended—including too many simple carbs. Yesterday I went back low carb (I do this on my two cardio days each week). Yesterday evening I checked with a Ketostix and I was already in a good level of fat burn.

First off, follow your program. Second, if you allow yourself too much on a special meal during the holidays don’t lose your mind with guilt and grief. Third, don’t use the holidays as an excuse for a season of indulgence. Fourth, don’t allow others to set the agenda on what you eat because making someone else feel good about their favorite food is not worth more than your health.

Battle of the Buffet

Last night my wife and I went to a restaurant we have frequented for years. Raising kids on a limited pastoral salary meant learning to economize. One way to do this was to eat at buffets like Country Buffet or Golden Corral. This gave everyone a wide selection of their favorites and we could be sure everyone would get plenty.

A problem though is the difficulty with overeating. Being on a weight loss and health journey, meant either not going, or finding tools and techniques to help. In the past I have worked hard to only eat what was allowed and quantities that were appropriate. Avoiding carbs was always pretty easy. However, it was not uncommon to find at the end of the meal that I had consumed more meat than I should have. Also, to avoid having too much often required white knuckling it through the last few minutes of the meal—resisting temptation while waiting for my wife to finish her latest plate.

While in the past I’ve found personal techniques and tools to help get through such situations, lately I’ve been reading Brian Wasink’s book Mindless Eating: Why we eat more than we think. It’s been a fascinating read and is filled with suggestions and tools to help with changing our eating habits. The book talks about the reasons we overeat and the things which contribute to this, though most of us may be totally unaware of them.

Rather than sharing all of the ideas, I’ll concentrate on ones I used at the buffet. When going, I have learned to start with a salad. In the past my usual plan was “eat the meat and dessert first, then if there is room pass slowly by the salad on the way to seconds on sweets.” Now I make myself a fair sized salad first and finish it. This gives me my greens and I work hard to keep it low carb—as low carb as possible. This time, inspired by my recent reading, I started with two differences: (1) I took time to talk to my wife and ask her questions about her day. Over the many years of being married we spent so much time monitoring the kids we got used to not really conversing when eating. Talking slowed me down and turned my focus off of shoveling food into my mouth. However, do not just mindlessly eat while talking. Before you know it you will have overeaten without paying attention. Instead, from time to time, put down your fork or spoon and talk for a few moments. Then return to your food. (2) I ate my salad slowly while talking to slow down, but also stopped after the salad and waited five minutes before getting my entre. This gave my body and mind time to register the eating and to sense that though my hunger was not satiated it was lessoned. Since it takes about twenty minutes for our mind to recognize satiety, this gave my mind time to catch up to what was happening in my body.

After my salad and the short break between courses, before getting my entre I walked through the buffet area, without a plate, looking at all the foods to decide what I wanted and what I could or should have. I had already decided before going in that I was going to allow myself more carbs, because today was a weightlifting day. My body needs more calories and more carbs on lifting days because material and energy are needed for building muscle. However, I was going to avoid the simple sugars, grains, fried foods and starchy foods. I looked for everything that offered protein, but was not breaded or fried: roast chicken, broiled fish, etc. I also looked for foods that offered more complex carbs: sweet potatoes instead of white potatoes, etc. Then there was low carb greens, like broccoli. No bread, no pasta and no other grain products would be allowed. So, without a plate I walked through thinking, “I can have that, but not that. I could have that but should avoid it because I already had X today. That will be OK, but should be limited. A nice side benefit was that this slowed down my eating more. With my plan and decisions made beforehand, I grabbed a plate and went back through grabbing the foods I’d already selected.

After that plate was finished, I sat for a few minutes talking to my wife and having a decaf coffee. It was then that it struck me that I didn’t want anything else to eat—my hunger was fully satisfied, but I was not stuffed. Also, by doing it this way, I didn’t have to sit there telling myself “I must not have more; I must not have more.” I didn’t want more.

So, here are my steps for dealing with the buffet:

  1. Start with salad.
  2. Eat slowly, by enjoying the company of others—occasionally put down the fork and talk.
  3. Wait between refills to give time for the brain to sense the body’s sensations.
  4. Browse through the buffet foods without a plate to prepare a plan of action.
  5. Get only the foods you planned in the amounts you planned.
  6. Repeat step 2.
  7. If still wanting more, repeat step 3, then reevaluate.

Changing Relationships Through Changing Self

Since losing so much weight, my personal interactions have changed. People seem to smile more, approach me more and want to interact more. While it is easy to assume that this is because they “like” me better now that I am lighter, that assumption would actually be too easy. There are several possible reasons for such an experience, some external, some internal, but all positive.

First off, it is possible that some find it hard to be friends with someone weighing over four hundred pounds, as I was. There are those who are repulsed by such people. I know, because I’ve had people tell me my weight repulsed them. Because of this I know some in the past may have been unable to be friendly with me. In that case, reducing my weight so that I do not repulse is a good thing—especially for someone whose calling in life involves trying to attract people to a faith community. Being overweight handicapped my career for years. It got in the way of personal interactions, because some people would be repulsed by my weight. I even had one couple tell me they were leaving our church because I was so fat. Now, don’t feel I am being too harsh with myself and try to make me feel better about how heavy I was. It was understanding exactly what I had done to myself that inspired me to work so hard to lose the weight. It was the problems my weight caused me professionally and personally that caused me to really want to get rid of it. Jesus said, “The truth will set you free.” This includes painful truth—actually painful truth is probably the most freeing truth out there.

Another issue that weight can cause on a professional level is that it can be hard to take an overweight person seriously. Discipline, self-denial and energy are important professional qualities. When one wears their lack of discipline and self-denial on their face and frame, as every overweight person does, it can be hard to take them seriously. How can one believe you will deny yourself and discipline yourself enough to act in a professional way, if you will not deny yourself and discipline yourself enough to not eat too much? Or to exercise enough? I know that one thing helping me in some professional relationships is seeing that I went from 425 lbs. to 260 lbs. in a few months. This is an obvious and undeniable act of discipline and self-denial. It would have been far easier to just keep eating myself to death. Please don’t see this as a boast. I had a lot of help and over twenty years of self-loathing to inspire me. I am simply expressing what others have said to me. It is also simple truth that we know another person’s ability for discipline and self-denial by seeing examples of it. The obvious examples of failing in this area are what speak loudest. Often our weight can be the loudest proclamation others “hear” about us. Losing weight allows others to take us seriously. “If you can exercise that level of self-control in such a difficult area, what are you capable of in other areas?”

The previous thoughts all touched on the effect of weight loss on other’s perception of you. However, there are also internal reasons for a difference in relationships that are impacted by weight. The biggest would have to be self-image. I am a very outgoing, and very friendly person. I love to talk, to laugh, to tell jokes and stories. Actually, being a Texan means I have a license to stretch the truth into any form I want so long as it makes for a better story. It is a skill learned at the feet of our elders, and as such is an honored practice to be honed to perfection. However, over the years, as my weight ballooned higher and higher I found friendly interactions harder. When you do not take yourself seriously and cannot see yourself as anything but repulsive it is hard to interact with others. You find yourself wondering what that person must be thinking of you. You find yourself questioning that person’s motives for every action. This problem then works itself out in your actions and expressions. You often hear that animals can smell fear. Well, humans are pack animals used to interacting in very subtle ways. We give facial, pheromone, and body language clues even when we do not speak. Then when we open our mouths we give clues with speech cadence, pitch, tone, and voice that share how confident we feel (or do not feel). These spring naturally from our self-image. For example, some studies show that when two males converse, the voice of the more dominant will deepen and the voice of the more submissive will rise. This is unconscious and deeply ingrained. Even picking up on the difference is automatic—even the youngest children respond without knowing why.

This means that much of my perception of problems with personal and professional interactions when overweight sprang from my own self-perception. One, it would cause me to question the response of the other person—which only served to reinforce that negative self-image. It would also cause me to speak and act in ways that reinforced their poor image of me. Losing weight has caused me to see myself very differently. This causes me to respond differently to others—which is really responding to my own self-image.

Losing weight can radically change personal and professional interactions. These interactions and relationships are part of human health. Having a healthy body helps to have healthy relationships. You will be taken more seriously. You will be seen as self-disciplined. You will project a different image to others. You will project this different image because you will be different. Don’t wait. Start now to transform yourself and your future. Do it for yourself, but also do it for the impact you can have on the lives of other people. I am sure you have something positive to add to the lives of those around you. By losing weight you give them more reason to listen and give yourself more opportunities to speak into their lives.